This happened to me, too. I was in a cycle of self harm, mostly driven by weighty, unaddressed guilt over how I behaved when my mother was dying. But after I had my first baby, I knew I had to stop hurting myself. I got into counseling when she was a few months old, and it has made all the difference to me and to her. Thank you for this thoughtful and inspiring piece. We all owe it to our children (and grandchildren!) to heal ourselves--to be the best people we can be.