My father withheld money as one way of controlling my mother. When I married, I made sure I held the financial reins. At some point, my husband wanted more autonomy in case we ever got divorced, so we gave each partner a bank account. We both have access to the other's account, but don't mess with it. That's working for us. I'm completely flummoxed by a friend who doesn't even know how much her mortgage payment is and doesn't want to know! Money is power, and women need more of that. Also, controlling your finances is part of growing up. Unless you want to remain a child in your relationship, you need to step up and control your own pursestrings.